Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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