I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
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He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
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I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
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