Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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