I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
