There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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