It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
