there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
