there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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