I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
