when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
