I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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