i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
