i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
