I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
