four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I will be naked everywhere
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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