i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
