The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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