I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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