As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So many bounce houses so little time
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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