I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
