you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
