I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
