Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
