I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
