Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(914): View more from New York

he puts the penis in happiness.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".

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(916): View more from California

she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?

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(813): View more from Florida

I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.

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(613): View more from Ontario

I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.

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(209): View more from California

I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed

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(317): View more from Indiana

There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.

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(317): View more from Indiana

This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs

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