im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If I die, sorry about rent.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
