normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
