The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
