I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
