There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
