She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
