So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
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You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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