Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
