Texts From Last Night

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  (302): View more from Delaware

  is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?

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  (302): is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"? http://tfl.nu/82yu
  Replies (13) Good night (2777) Bad night (998)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.

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  (503): i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there. http://tfl.nu/qu8f
  Replies (15) Good night (605) Bad night (5005)
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  (925): View more from California

  I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker

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  (925): I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker http://tfl.nu/8x3j
  Replies (24) Good night (6231) Bad night (960)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong

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  (409): I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong http://tfl.nu/rbr5
  Replies (5) Good night (3073) Bad night (919)
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  (415): View more from California

  She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.

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  (415): She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer. http://tfl.nu/gibc
  Replies (34) Good night (5668) Bad night (1211)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.

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  (520): hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint. http://tfl.nu/kgm7
  Replies (11) Good night (3484) Bad night (938)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet

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  (519): Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet http://tfl.nu/qweh
  Replies (5) Good night (1615) Bad night (697)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.

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  (720): Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver. http://tfl.nu/uanh
  Replies (4) Good night (2395) Bad night (705)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.

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  (678): He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story. http://tfl.nu/lvz4
  Replies (4) Good night (1277) Bad night (575)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.

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  (270): No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call. http://tfl.nu/mofx
  Replies (11) Good night (3766) Bad night (690)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!

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  (443): I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD! http://tfl.nu/k4l1
  Replies (14) Good night (1113) Bad night (768)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.

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  (832): Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard. http://tfl.nu/w1ic
  Replies (2) Good night (622) Bad night (308)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!

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  (+44): Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas! http://tfl.nu/iawo
  Replies (0) Good night (680) Bad night (263)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?

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  (512): I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out? http://tfl.nu/fchk
  Replies (4) Good night (772) Bad night (441)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.

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  (802): I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower. http://tfl.nu/ep1t
  Replies (1) Good night (345) Bad night (362)

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