Barsexuality is the new black.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
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Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
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dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.