Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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