i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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