On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
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she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
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Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.