tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
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His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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