I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
