that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
false alarm. still invincible.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
