i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
jump out the window naked night went bad
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize