U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize