this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
