i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He felt like a one man threesome
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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