how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
