yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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