There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
