i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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