As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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