Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
