We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
