listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
