The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
