walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
