WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
