i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Drunk is a universal language darling
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
