With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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