And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
