I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
