Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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