There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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