You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
