she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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