ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
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My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
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I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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