you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
