Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Randomize
