dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
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We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
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Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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