the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
