yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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