Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
