I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
